I would totally change my middle name to narcissism... if I could spell it without needing spell check.

Okey dokey. Your questions answered, part deux.

Not a Mean Girl asked this rather unsettling question: If you had to choose between a Colonoscopy with no anesthetic or a root canal with no anesthetic which would you choose and why?

Uh. Ooo-kay.

I would have to say the colonoscopy. As Fairly Odd Mother was nice enough to point out there aren't too many nerve endings once you get past the ol' balloon knot (Eeew, I just grossed myself out by writing that) and from what I hear, a root canal without anesthetic would be akin to pulling your lower lip up over your forehead and then stapling it to the back of your neck. But with only one staple so that the lone staple would sloooowly rip out and your lip would spring back to your face like a window shade but not before slapping you in the throat. Only much, much worse.

Or something like that.

(Aren't you so glad I started with this question?)

Speaking of Fairly Odd Mother she had a two-fer: Other than animal welfare/rights/anything to do with animals, what 'cause' gets your blood thumping through your veins.

I had no problem with this one and it goes nicely with Not a Mean Girl's question - Colon Cancer Awareness. I'm passionate about getting everyone who is either in a risk group (close relative with prior colon/rectal cancer diagnosis) or over the age of 50 to have a colonoscopy.

I've slipped this year, however. Normally I'm all about letting everyone know that March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month and I haven't mentioned it here once this year. My bad. But it doesn't matter if you have a colonoscopy done in the month of March or any other month, it only matters that you get one if you need it.

Colon Cancer is a beatable cancer, if it is caught early. Some of my regular readers know that my mother died in 2004 from the disease and she was only 51. She was diagnosed when she was 44 years old, a full six years before the American Medical Association recommends getting your first test. Two of my mom's friends died of the disease a year or two before she did and they were also her age. Obviously testing should be done as early as possible.

If you need to get a colonoscopy and you're a little freaked out about some doctor putting things into where they should be coming out of check out this post of FOM's at the New England Mamas. She answered her "booty call" and lived to tell the tale.

[getting off my soapbox now]

And FOM's next question that, thankfully, has nothing to do with anyone's ass: Will you be totally truthful with your girls when they someday ask, "Did you ever try drugs?" or "Did you ever have sex before you were married?"

The 2008 me says Yes. Absolutely, I will tell my girls when the time is right that I did try drugs and I did have sex before marriage.

(Pick your chin up off the floor. I know your image of me is shattered but we'll all get through this, 'kay?)

The day it actually happens might be a different story, I'll probably want to lie but I'd like to believe I'll be honest with my kids.

My mom, bless her ignorant heart, tried to make my sister and me believe that she had never done anything not worthy of a Catholic saint in her life. Then one day when we were teens we overheard her talking with my dad and some friends about smoking pot. After we got over the initial shock (OMG, Mom smoked pot. No freaking way. I bet she didn't inhale.) my sister and I confronted her and she just smiled. I don't know about my sis but I had way more respect for Mom after that. She was a real person after all. Who knew?

And for the record, I didn't try pot until I was in college. For reals. But that's another story for another time.

Mackenzie's Momma asked: If you had the super power, what ONE thing would you stop/preform in the world(i.e. world peace, ending hunger etc)

I'd wipe out cancer for all living things, not just people but for animals too. And all cancers not just colorectal. Are you sensing a theme here?

Velma asked: What are the two things you've done in your life you are most proud and ashamed of?

Even though I haven't popped out the second one yet, I'm going to say I'm most proud of having my girls. I never in a million years thought my body was capable of doing any of that.

As for ashamed of, I'm still working on that. Heh. There's lots more life in me and many more opportunities to shame myself.

Christina asked: What is the most embarrassing thing that EVER happened to you in high school?

Oh Christina, high school was just one long embarrassing moment for me. But the worst one that comes to mind was the day I wore a skirt to school - which was something I didn't usually do, especially after 6 years of having to wear them in Catholic school - and I unexpectedly got my period and didn't realize it until I sat through Mrs. Rogers' English class. A big red spot on the back of a skirt is kinda hard to hide, ya know? Let's just say I wasn't the first one to notice it.

And now that I've picked off that scab I'll be having the nightmares again. Thanks Christina.

One more question before I go curl up in the fetal position in the corner and rock myself to sleep until the painful memory goes away.

Mandy asks: What's the worst thing you ever did for money? (Define "worst" in any way you wish.)

I'm not sure what Mandy's impression of me is after reading this question or who she's been talking to, but I can assure you that no matter how real those pictures look that was not me in that hotel room with with a certain governor in seemingly compromising positions.

ahem.

So, um, I'll have to say all those times I was tending bar and never wore my wedding ring to get better tips. Drunk men always tip better when they think they can go home with the bartender they've been flirting with all night. It's true, look it up.


Part three of this me lovefest will happen this weekend, or whenever I can get this blurriness in my vision to go away. Whichever comes first. It probably seems like I'm drawing this out, and I am, but since Chicky performed her Three Stooges move on me I get a nasty headache if I stare at the computer for too long. And let me tell you, it's really putting a damper on my online porn watching.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.