Oh where, oh where can she be?

I'm still here. Last week I wasn't, however. I was here instead:



It was a last minute trip South of the Border. Threat of hurricanes and tropical storms be damned! We had an opportunity to spend a few days in paradise and we jumped on it like a starving dog on a raccoon carcass. Or like me on the complimentary minibar and all-you-can-drink margaritas.

(No mas tequila. No mas.)

For three days we were treated like royalty. I thought it was hard coming home from BlogHer this year but it was nothing compared to coming home after being able to open up the shades in the morning and stare at the ocean all day while ordering room services and doing nothing any more taxing than having a small Mexican man named Gabriel massage my shoulders or read a book a day.

Reality doesn't bite, it sucks. It sucks hard.

But all good things must come to an end and so did our short stint in paradise. Back to the toil of laundry and waiting for the school bus and needing to schedule things like haircuts for my children who decided to play hairdresser while on their grandparent's watch.

Maybe I'll take some more of that tequila after all.

(Pictures taken from the extensive patio off our suite with the Hipstamatic app for iPhone, under the influence of sunshine and tequila and comfortable chaise lounge chairs. Which is why I couldn't be bothered to stand up to take the pictures.)

Whoever said birthdays were all candles and party hats never dared enter my head

Today is my birthday. I'm 38 years old.

Let me start by saying, 38 is not old. I don't feel old, though my knees might think differently, and compared to the lifespan of the average American woman, I'm in the prime of my life. But I can't help but compare myself, and where I am in my life right now, to where my mother was at this age.

My mother was a child when she got married, she was barely nineteen and less than a month after her 20th birthday she had me. Which means, when my mother was my age, she had an 18 year old daughter entering college. Therefore, adding it all up and carrying the one, I am old enough to have a child in college. But fast forward twenty years and I have a daughter entering kindergarten. My mind, it is significantly boggled.

I don't know how to process this. It has less to do with the biological possibility of having a child old enough to be considered a legal adult and more to do with grappling with my feelings about my mom and the way she and my father raised me compared to how I'm raising my children.

My parents were so young and naive and without modern conveniences like the internet to help them with their parenting choices (there is some sarcasm in that last part). For better or worse, they relied heavily on their families, specifically their parents from a far more removed generation, to lend guidance and share wisdom.

I don't agree with most of what they did, but here I am today - the first of my family to attend and graduate college. I've never been arrested and have never mixed up in drugs or criminal activity. Whether it was nature or nurture, and regardless of the negative things which I really don't feel like getting into, something went right.

My husband and I have years and experiences my parents didn't have. We have the education and the income they only dreamed of. Time will tell if the outcome is any better but I know what I'll be wishing for when I blow out the candles on my cake.

Then I went home and listened to Cat's in the Cradle while eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's

She...



Can swim the length of a pool and back unassisted.

Can ride a two-wheel bike without training wheels.

Is learning to read and write at an amazingly fast pace.

Is constantly running, jumping, speeding around on her scooter, doing cartwheels.

Knows how to use a computer and an iPad.

Started Kindergarten last week.

Gets on a bus that takes her away from me every morning and to a place that encourages her to run and jump and learn and make friends.

Has friends I’ve never met.

Is growing up.

I...

Am not as ready as I thought I was.