And so it goes...

I am not in a good place these days.

Mentally, emotionally, I'm not much fun to be around so I think it's time to step away from the computer until this baby comes and use this opportunity to get my head back on straight.

Control freak is a title I have no problem embracing and I feel as if my body is betraying me.

It's not of course, this is no different a situation than millions of other have found themselves in over the years, and yet... That doesn't make me feel better at all. In this case, misery does not want any company.

Yes, I'm only five days overdue and that's certainly not the end of the world. And there is light at the end of the tunnel as my OB scheduled me to be induced next Wednesday if the baby hasn't made her appearance by then. But I feel as if I've lost control physically, as I cannot force this baby to leave me and enter the world, and the emotional roller coaster I have been riding is more than I can take. I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do but wait (my membranes have been stripped not once, but twice. How it is possible this baby has not just dropped out onto the shower floor is beyond me.) and patience has never been my strong suit.

Even my doctor is amazed by my amazing steel trap-like wonder womb.

Add to this a possible major life change Mr. C and I are about to embark on that is unrelated to this baby and an out-of-the-blue phone call received from an old friend that will require all of my good energy to deal with, as the place she's in right now I can only assume is even darker than the place I am in, not to mention the maddeningly painful contractions and more than a bit of back labor I've had over the past couple of days that has produced nothing and I feel as if I just stepped off a Tilt-a-Whirl. A Tilt-a-Whirl I just spent the past nine+ months riding. I've got to deal with the messy purging before I can feel the solid ground beneath me.

Since I've made a conscious effort to stay away from the phone (sorry, friends, not taking any phone calls. Not even from my dear, sweet, sainted Nana who wants nothing but to make me feel better, but by her very positivity and Oh, it will happen when it happens attitude will surely drive me to homicide.) to save others my wrath, I'll do the same for you.

I very much appreciate your lovely words of encouragement. If I had half a brain I'd better articulate how much every single word and suggestion has meant to me. I love my friends, both in the computer and out, so when I'm my old self, but my old self with a new baby, I'll be back.

Until then I'll be placing a lock on my oven and hiding the sharp objects.