Get in my belly!

Those are just a sampling of the foods I have to have in my house these days. Normally I would never have most of those items in my house so I have to say I like these pregnancy cravings. Scratch that - I freaking love pregnancy cravings. Love with a capital S-U-G-A-R and S-A-L-T. And while we're at it a capital F-A-T too.

I need bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream and big glasses of cold filtered ice water with lots of ice cubes. I need pigs in a blanket from my grocer's freezer section and ham salad sandwiches with cole slaw on the side. I need burrito supremes from Taco Bell with lots of mild sauce. I need my house to smell of pumpkin pie or snickerdoodle scented candles constantly...

Ooh, snickerdoodles. I know what I'll be making tomorrow...

I need all of these things. It's almost primal. And woe to the person who gets in my way if I'm trying to put them in my shopping cart. I'm really surprised I haven't bitten someone yet. I've growled, but I haven't bitten.

I can't even explain how good it feels to eat. I don't think I could accurately describe the pleasure I take from eating some days, but I'll try. Oh yes I will.

As one example: I had a grilled cheese sandwich soon after my nausea started to abate, a very simple bread and melted cheese sandwich, and I swear to God (har) eating it was a religious experience. I seriously believe I saw Jesus in that grilled cheese. And then I ate Him and licked the plate clean. How's that for having the spirit of the Lord in you?

Those of you who have experienced Hyperemesis know what I'm talking about. Those of you who haven't should consider yourselves lucky. But imagine this - You live in a house full of food. Your refrigerator is full, your pantry is full. You have people offering you home cooked meals. You feed others (in my case, Chicky) but you, yourself, can not eat. Even though the Food Network makes you salivate - when it's not making you vomit - you have zero desire to eat. And even if you did have a smidgen of desire to put something edible in your mouth, like say water, you would almost instantly throw it back up.

I, for lack of a more suitable term, was starving. Literally. Do I deserve to eat Skittles and French Fried Onions until they're coming out of my ears. Uh, yeah.

It's over now for the most part, the sickness and the starving. I still have some not-so-great days and medication is still necessary, but as you can see from the picture I'm not hurting as much as I was a few weeks ago. That bag of chips? It'll be gone by tomorrow. And is it me or do they not make boxes of Crunch 'n Munch as big as they used to? That box is empty. Hell, it barely made it home from the grocery store this morning.

Now, lest you think my days are one big bacchanalia after another, but without the wine... Okay, it's sometimes true. But for the most part I don't really eat much because my poor stomach is still adapting to having real food in it.

If eating like a pig on occasion doesn't make you hate me just a little, well hold on to you hats. Due to my months of not eating and then sporadic eating binges, if this pregnancy is like the last one no one will know I'm pregnant and since it's winter most people won't until I'm at least 7 months. I, friends, am a skinny pregnant woman.

I know what you're thinking - Poor woman gets to eat whatever she wants and still looks skinny. Let's spread nasty rumors about her and the school nerd and not let her sit at our lunch table. But for every silver lining there has to be a rain cloud of bitchiness.

As I understand it one of the perks of pregnancy is having people give up their seat for you and help you with your groceries and shit like that. Last pregnancy I didn't get any of that special treatment. Not once. I want special treatment, dammit! Is that so much to ask for all my pain and suffering? I'm breeding future Democrats here, for chrissake.

So try not to hate me too much. Sure, I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I can still wear size 4 jeans still buttoned (no elastic band through the button hole here) during my second pregnancy. And I live on a steady diet of high fat, high calorie foods but have only put on three pounds since Thanksgiving...

Nah, go ahead and hate me. I'll just drown my sorrows in another bowl of peanut butter cup ice cream. And I may not have strangers carry my bags for me but I'm banking on walking out of the hospital after delivery in at least my size 6's. I can live with that.

T.B. Wams @17 weeks
Objects in picture may be smaller than they seem.

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Thanks so much to Izzy for the fantastic job she did on my blog. Ain't it purdy?