Since I personally will never again be pregnant (cue the “Halleluiah Chorus” please) due to Hubby’s snip-snip procedure (that’s the proper medical term, right?)
So here you go:
What to Expect When You’re Expecting—A Refresher
By Sarah at In the Trenches of Mommyhood
GOOD: The obvious one, eating for two. Another helping of dessert? Yes please, this one’s for the hungry fetus, of course.
BAD: The raging heartburn that follows the inhalation of the second burrito (because you were eating for two).
GOOD: Bathing suits with skirts.
BAD: They’re necessary for coverage of your ass that suddenly looks just as pregnant as your belly.
GOOD: Having a valid excuse to shop for new maternity clothes.
BAD: Regular clothes become annoyingly tight and slutty looking are simply no longer an option.
GOOD: Shopping for new shoes!
BAD: Because in the third trimester, your cute tootsies suddenly look like Fred Flintstone feet.
GOOD: No vacuuming! It becomes way too heavy, don’t you know?
BAD: If not you vacuuming, then who? Dammit.
GOOD: Thicker hair, longer fingernails, clear skin and a rosy complexion.
BAD: Hair falling out, food embedded in longer fingernails (see eating for two above) and a face now prone to teenage-like acne breakouts.
GOOD: Feeling those butterfly flutters in your belly for the first time.
BAD: Looking down at your belly and seeing and feeling elbows and feet protruding out of it.
GOOD: Having your spouse or family members rub your belly and feel the baby kick.
BAD: Having random strangers come up to you and do the same.
GOOD: Bigger, perkier, voluptuous boobs rivaling those of a Playboy centerfold.
BAD: *Sigh* They don’t last.
GOOD: Finally going into labor after 10 months (because we all know it’s not really 9) of highs and lows, ups and downs, mood swings, forgetfulness, and clumsiness.
BETTER: The epidural.
BEST: Becoming a mommy. Whether it's for the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time. Just that indescribable feeling.
OMG ROFL!!! LOVE it!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I loved the sight of little elbows and feet poking at my belly. It freaked the f--- out of my husband, though.
ReplyDeleteAwwww! What a sweet post. Of course now I'm remembering why I hated being pregnant so much....
ReplyDeleteThey SO don't last - and to tell the truth...they will probably never be the same again. :(
ReplyDeleteThis post is a great reminder of why I said (with both babies) I'm never doing this again - and why I'm even thinking I may want to in a few years.
So I'm not the only one with acne after having a kid?
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious!
very funny. my baby liked to kick the cats who would lay across my belly. The cats would then jump up and look at me as if I had kicked them. Alas.
ReplyDeleteLOL...LOL!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great list. I think you just recited both of my pregnancies, well, except for the bedrest part.
Why didn't I get this refresher course before Number 2? Amazing what you forget after giving birth.
ReplyDeleteYou said it! Thank goodness I only had one pregnancy and got two out of it.
ReplyDeleteWell considering that my pregnancy was plagued with trouble from 17 weeks on...I guess it felt like a lifetimes worth of pregnancies though...
Oh hunny, you've clearly forgotten quite a bit! (Which happens to be one the items!)
ReplyDeleteTake it from a currently pregnant woman (3 weeks to go!):
Good: Your wonderful husband telling you that you look "Sooo cute" when really don't feel that way.
Bad: Your stupid husband teasing you about being so big in front of friends. (BAD choice, baby-doll!)
Good: Being waited-on by others
Bad: Not being able to do a damn thing for yourself anymore.
Good: Beginning to bloom and not worrying about having a not-so-flat tummy anymore
Bad: Being in FULL-bloom and continuing to grow way beyond what is even remotely comfortable.
Good: Getting sincere compliments from nice people
Bad: Getting stupid remarks from blithering idiots.
Good: Eating whatever you want, whenever you want.
Bad: Throwing everything up and not being able to eat ANYTHING good because of morning sickness/food aversions.
Good: The second trimester
Bad: The first and third trimester
Good: Built-in entertainment (ie. baby flutters)
Bad: Built-in punishment (ie. the miniature kick-boxer in your belly)
Best: The miracle that happens inside you.
*to baby* Yes, that's right, I called you a miracle...now stop beating me up in there!
LMAO! I love this list!! Especially the 'bathing suits with skirts part'.
ReplyDeleteOh Em--TOTALLY can tell you're preggo right now! You are sooo right. I was nodding my head vigorously as I read your comments. And having flashbacks to all 3 of my pregnancies. It will be over soon honey! Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteGREAT list! I've never been pregnant, so I tend to focus on the BADs here and say to myself, "Um... I think I'll adopt!"
ReplyDeleteI just posted my first entry on NE Mamas... go check it out! :)
Jane, P&B Girls
I must admit I like not cleaning the cat box.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness we forget the bad after #1, huh?
ReplyDeleteHilarious! and oh so true.
ReplyDeleteI was laughing so hard at this and EM comments. I just have to add that the epidural is good, only if it works.
ReplyDeleteI do concure with you both on the BEST though, totally a miracle.
Great points! And how come nobody ever told me your feet may get permanently bigger? PERMANENTLY?! Oy, oy, oy.
ReplyDelete