A three hankie, at least

**Edited! Because I am a dolt. A super sized dolt. And others have reminded me of that fact so I must rectify the situation.**

I am a sap. A weepy, sniveling, teary pile of snot and sentiment. I break down while watching Pampers commercials and I'll turn on the water works if I so much as catch a sweet, private moment between my husband and my child - like when he takes her for a walk down the street and I see the two of them walking hand in hand, and Chicky is looking up at him babbling something incoherently and he's pretending he understands every word and oh lord it hits me right in the gut, gaaahhhh....

I'm sorry, I need a minute.

All this blubbering, however, is done mainly in private. You will never see me cry, and neither will most of my family or my friends, because that is just not done. Shed tears in public? Psssh. Are you kidding me? Show me a wounded puppy, a lost child, a missed 50% off sale at my favorite clothing store, and I will show you stoicism and a level head. You may call me insensitive (which is just not the case, because as soon as you're out of sight - Tears. Lots of them, as mentioned above.) but I call it tough. Yeah, tough as nails, tough as steel, tough as the last steak I cooked.

There are a few things that will turn my icy heart to mush in the company of others, however. A newly opened bottle of good wine that an errant hand sends crashing to the floor, for instance. That will cause me to shed a tear or two. A post that I spent all day working on that magically disappears when I hit the Save as Draft button will also cause me to bawl. Not necessarily because of the lost post but because in my fury I probably kicked something with my bare foot. And the one surefire thing that will make me yowl like a lost kitten - Music. Sappy, sentimental music. These days any music written about children and parents will make me cry harder than that scene in Beaches when Bette and Barbara Hershey are at the beach and Wind Beneath My Wings starts to play and did you ever know that you're my hero? and she dies oh my lord she dies and the tears the tears the tears that stupid song I hate that song and it gets me every time I see that movie the tears the tears...

(hey, I'm having a private moment here. Do you mind? Keep your finger pointing and laughing to yourself.)

I'd like to say that this started happening after I became a mother but, no, I was a puddle of goo when I first heard "Butterfly Kisses" ten years ago. And yes, that hurts to admit. I know that by admitting that the ol' credibility-o-meter just plummeted through the floor, but it was right before my (first) wedding and I was already an emotional wreck because I knew I was making a horrible mistake but it was about a father and his daughter and growing up and growing apart and...

(I said stop laughing. It's not that funny.)

Since becoming a mother I have reached a new level of sap-titude. If the song is about a child, or can be attributed to a parent/child relationship, and it hits close to home I will cry like a pregnant bride left at the altar. I feel safe telling you this, my friends, because I know I'm not alone. I can't be the only one who feels this way when I hear "You are my Sunshine". There must be others out there like me.

Right?

No? I'm the only hormonal mess with a craptacular taste in music? Yeah, thought so.

Hardasses.

Because I love to spread mirth and merriment where ever I go, along with sunshine, rainbows, and puppies - and because I know there are others out there with this same problem - I've compiled a list of my favorite songs so that you too can weep in your bowl of corn flakes. Together we will weep in parental solidarity, and if you are not a parent there's a good chance you have a parent or two whose image you will conjure up while listening to these tunes. In the spirit of weepiness I give you...

Mrs. C's list of songs about children and parents that will make you run for your box of Kleenex or will at least put enough of a dent in your icy cold veneer to make you crack a smile, you hardass you.
(ooh, catchy title. K-tel records is going to be sorry they missed that one.)

Slumber My Darling - Allison Krauss, Edgar Meyer, Mark O'Connor & Yo Yo Ma
Still Fighting It - Ben Folds (Son or daughter, I dare you to not cry when listening to this. Go ahead. I. Dare. You.)
Gracie - Ben Folds (Damn you, Ben Folds, and your sensitive lyrics! Damn you.)
I Will Take You Home - Grateful Dead
Lullabye - Jack Johnson & Matt Costa
We are Going to be Friends - White Stripes
Have a Little Faith in Me - John Hiatt
Dad Caught Stars - Justin Roberts
To Zion - Lauryn Hill
Love and Happiness - Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris
Forever Young - Bob Dylan
Sunrise, Sunset - (just wanted to see if you were still paying attention)
Child of Mine - Carole King
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) - Billy Joel
My One True Friend - Bette Midler
Lullaby Baby Blues - Keb' Mo'

**And because I can't let this opportunity go by...

Father and Daughter - Paul Simon (like a postcard of a Golden Retriever? How could I have forgotten this song? Thanks Kristen.)
Daughters - John Mayer (thanks for reminding me Casey. Duh.)
Dream a Little Dream of Me - Cass Elliott (one of my all time favorites. Ever. And I forgot it while compiling the original list. I am a loser.)



There you go. Enjoy a good whimper. Now tell me, lambs, what would you add?