Let sleeping babies lie

Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou and Thank you.

I gathered from the comments on yesterday's post that most of you also have rabid children with sharp pointy teeth. Teeth that come out when you try to cut their nails. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with this problem and I thank you for all interesting suggestions on how to execute a swift nail trim while still maintaining flesh on your arms. But to those of you who suggested cutting Chicky Baby's nails while she's sleeping...

BAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAA!!!!

You mean to tell me that you actually dare to breathe in the same direction of your sleeping child? What kind of magic children do you have? Apparently the kind that slumber heavily in a coma-like state. Not mine. Noooo. I dare not even walk in front of the closed door of Chicky's bedroom while she's sleeping for fear of waking the beast.

My daughter is usually a very good sleeper, but a heavy sleeper she is not. If I so much as touch the door handle she's up on her two feet faster than an Olympic sprinter off the blocks. So though I appreciate those suggestions from a hygienic perspective I really appreciated them for the chuckle they brought me. I laughed, I snorted, I guffawed, I shot wine out of my nose.

And let me tell you, that shit hurts.

It's funny, you can pay a veterinarian or a groomer ten bucks to cut a dog's nails but you can't pawn off the task of trimming your kid's onto someone else. It's just not fair. I'd pay big bucks for that service. Which leads me to my next point.

(Did you catch that segue? Smooooooooooth.)

I promised canine nail cutting tips in return for your sage advice. As much as I'd like to write about it here, I'm too tired after trying to put my kid to bed. A kid who is suffering from MissingDaddy-itis. My husband is traveling for business this week and because Chicky is missing him she's refusing to let me leave her in her bedroom at night. She's finally asleep in her crib after many books and games of peekaboo, so I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and zone out in front of Grey's Anatomy. If you'd like to know more about how to save yourself some money by cutting your dog's nails at home, without leaving bloody paw prints all over your beige carpets, I'll direct you to this post at Dog Gone Blog.

I promise you, cutting a dog's nails is SO much easier than cutting a toddler's. And? You can use restraints if you need to and no one will think twice about it or call the authorities on your. How great is that?

**Added**
Did you catch friggin' Grey's Anatomy? All I wanted to do was loose myself in McDreamy and McSteamy and McGeorge (Gay or not, he's got pinchable cheeks) and what happens? Dead baby. Fuck. Now I'm crying and my nose is running and I can't taste my wine anymore. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.